Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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