GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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