Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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