i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
