And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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