At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have post one night stand depression
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