My nipple is on Facebook.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
as a side note pls kill me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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