let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
