i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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