I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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