my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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