Banned from zoo.
Again?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
