Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
