I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
