I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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