I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
