on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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