it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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