you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
