lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ttyl tear gas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
