So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
