just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
