You can't special order awesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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