you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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