Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
