So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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