I wish I could teleport
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
