Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
