I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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