ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
