1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
