they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize