did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
