ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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