oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
