I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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