Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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