Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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