I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
