I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And then he peed in my hair
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