I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize