I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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