You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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