i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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