Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
