I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont even know how to be here
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
