whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
