The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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