you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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