It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
