Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
