Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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