And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
