Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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