I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
