I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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