Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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