I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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