that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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