I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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