i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
