I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
