Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
