Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
