Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
