every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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