You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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