barbara walters just said penis...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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